Eulogy

Jenn again…I’ve been asked to share my eulogy for those unable to attend the funeral mass…this will be the final post on the SubStack.

My mom & I wanted to thank everyone for their love & support over this past week. All of the calls & texts, an Amazing turnout at the services & the overwhelming generosity for the GoFundMe. We felt your love & how much you cared for Michelle. 💔

Eulogy

As we gather to remember Michelle, I am picturing her in heaven, being hugged & surrounded by my dad & grandmothers, watching everything. During her last hours with us, I talked to her about all the people she was going to reunite with, as well as new people she’d be meeting. I know the bourbon is Flowing with Tom LaBarbs. She’s hugging Erin, knowing they are both free of pain. Meeting Ava. And her dear Bonnie will be there with her always.

Yesterday the casket was under the St Michael’s statue. my grandmother did not have any boy names picked out when she had my dad, as she had two sons already & desperately wanted a girl. Thus she thought of the St Michael’s statue at OLA, which was over the door that she went in & out of; and named him Michael. I was comforted by this.

When you’re three, getting a new baby sister rocks your world. But I’m happy & proud to say that we have come a long way. We had our ups and downs when we were growing up – we’re very different in many ways. She got the book smarts, while I had more common sense. And we all know that she inherited the family’s dancing genes. I also confirmed this past weekend that I am a terrible shopper…I know she was laughing as I tried to navigate Macys with my mom on Friday night. Shopping was Michelle’s domain. Next time, I’m calling in reinforcements.

Our personalities were also quite different – Michelle was an extrovert, started talking earlier then most, and always wanted to be with friends. And she had so many friends, from kindergarten to present day.

During those final days in the hospital, my mom often told the story of how Michelle would come home from kindergarten and demand a play-date or afterschool activity. I however, would come home from kindergarten and fall asleep on the floor.

Michelle was driven to succeed – and her legal career took her places. My parents were always so proud of how well she did. She worked hard and deserved the accolades that she received.

When we lost my dad in 2011, Michelle had just moved to NYC, and was working on getting her footing. Meeting new people, starting a new job and enjoying city life.

It was in 2019, when she was diagnosed, that our relationship slowly began to change. We both were going through a lot, and started to learn that we could indeed support and lean on each other. We, along with my mom, became a strong, united trio. One thing that we did agree on was how much we loved our momma…and my mom will tell you that we are her whole world.

In the past three years that we were all together in the NY/NJ area, we worked to make lots of memories together. We loved to go to the beach, whether it be the Jersey shore or Riis park. It was my job to set up the umbrella or cabana for my mom and Michelle. I was called the sherpa….transporting all our stuff via beach cart, often across the sand. Then I’d set my chair and towel up a bit out of the way…Michelle would always joke that I needed some space. We often had friends join us on these beach trips…whether it was Shana or Kara at Randy’s Seaside Shack, or Sara, Parmita or Elena with us in Queens…these memories will always be important to me.

We were both daddy’s girls.  And our dad was a huge sports fan. While I may have followed more in dad’s footsteps and had a similar level of interest, Michelle’s sporting interests ebbed and flowed. While living in Virginia, she enjoyed being a Nats fan and going to games with Lauren Jenkins, even if a Phillies fan once threatened to punch her in the face. A few years ago, I asked her to go to NY Rangers playoff game with me…and she was quickly back into the NYR fold. She wore her NYR hat everywhere, and had random people in her building or neighborhood stopping to talk about Kreider or Trochek. She would then call or text me about each of these encounters. I’m beyond grateful that we were able to go to an NYR game on my birthday last month. We had a great time, and the Rangers won.

One sport that Michelle jumped into with both feet was WNBA…the NY Liberty was her team, she went to games first with Christina, and then with whoever would be willing to go with her. She loved Ellie. She saw Stewie on the street once and screamed that she loved her. She got a wave and acknowledgement of thanks from Stewie…but Michelle said that really anything other than “thanks, let’s be bffs”would have been a letdown. Michelle attended many playoff games, and we spent the past WNBA season playing fantasy basketball. Our team was “bad sisters, ” though I really contributed very little…and I’m proud to say that we made it to the championship gamel. We lost, but it was so much fun!

My final story revolves around the NYC Marathon. I had made the decision earlier this year to run the race as a member of The Pink Agenda fundraising team. I admit that I was afraid that Michelle may not have made it to race day, but she did. And she was my teammate on this from the beginning…helping to fundraise, making sure I had time to do my long runs, watching posts from other teammates to tell me that I was on the right track, etc. We went to the race expo, and although she was tired and dealing with pain, she did everything that I wanted to. Race day eve, she made posters and mapped out her spectating plan – and I was so proud of her. She pushed through and saw me three times on the course…it means so much to me to have been able to do that race with her by my side.

I would be remiss if I did not mention Michelle’s support community. From day one of her diagnosis, she had friends accompany her to scans, treatments and procedures. So many people would check in on her. Send her presents. Invite her to dinners. Her network was large, and she treasured every single friendship she had. I can’t mention everyone by name, otherwise the deacon would become very stressed about keeping us on schedule today. But knowing that she was loved by so many gave me so much comfort. The mobilizations that occurred in her last few days when I had to make those very tough phone calls was nothing short of amazing. A command center was set up in the family lounge. We had food ordered. Steady streams of visitors. Mom and I were just in awe.

After the brain tumor was discovered this past summer, Michelle was obviously starting to worry that it was the beginning of her decline. She of course tried to put on a brave face, and put hope in all the treatments that were still available to her. But she was scared. Scared of dying. She wasn’t ready to go, and we definitely were not ready to let her go. I constantly asked our relatives in heaven to leave her with us longer. But sadly, God had other plans.

I will never ever understand why Michelle’s life took this trajectory. I will never get over losing my sister. But I think everyone in this room knows that she gave everything she could to fight this disease; even though we know she did not like the words “fight cancer” – something she gave us a lesson on earlier this year after Bonnie passed.

Yes. Michelle was taken way too soon. But I know her memory and legacy will live on in each of you.

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obituary: https://scottoandheyer.com/michelle-theresa-hess/.

To help offset burial costs and support The Pink Agenda, a GoFundMe has been created: https://www.gofundme.com/f/michelle-hess.

(I can be reached at jennhess75@gmail.com.)